18 May 2007

You're right to have come.

I know why you came here today, and I don't blame you. But I'm going to take a bit more time--push the deadline back a bit--and spellcheck the shit out of the next post.

I'm feeling quite nostalgic tonight (nostalgic is another word for cry-eyed). It's been almost a year on this blog, and just over one since the original [assumed] truth's ended. Without sounding too full of myself, I don't think any post on this blog so far has warranted the name. So I'll be attempting to revive the original form and frequency, delivering an unimportant topic in a smarmy way each and every week. Hopefully. If I have anything worthwhile left.

What the fuck am I saying? Of course I do.

In the meantime, here's where I last left off (in print form), with what I feel was a worthy end to the original:

Originally published in Buena Vista Univ.'s Tack, 5/12/2006

To all the alumni who’ve told me that “college is the greatest time of your life—enjoy it while you can”: thanks for ruining surprise; it’s great to know my life has peaked. Since I’m about to ride down the long slide ending in death, I’ve been thinking that I should make these last few moments last forever—not literally, of course, but in the slow-motion-sentimental-peak-scene way that always ends in friends and family hugging and smiling before the credits role.

So, with these few remaining words, I could choose to reminisce about all the fun times I’ve had with friends and colleagues, both in and out of the educational arena (like that one time I drank, then went to class, then left and drank some more…it was super awesome). Or I could list all the things I’m going to miss (Sodexho Jane’s on-going conversation with herself and whoever happens to pass by—she knows what she’s talking about, whether you’re caught up or not). But maybe those are too cheesy.

I could fall into abstract, philosophical thought and metaphor (Everyone poops: if you choose to climb the corporate ladder, don’t be surprised when those on higher rungs do too—it’ll get dirty). I could point out something painfully obvious to get an “I know what he’s talking about!” reaction (What is the deal with Pierce hall smelling so bad all the time? Am I right?). For some reason, these don’t seem appropriate.

I could even dwell on the things I’ve been holding against “The Man” all these years (ever notice how a diploma from Buena Vista guarantees most graduates a career at Wells Fargo and, apparently, little else?). I could recite what I’d say at graduation if given the chance to make a speech, a la one 90’s newspaper-column-turned-smash-pop-song (“Let us rise up on anarchistic wings and burn the tyrannical machines!...while wearing sunscreen.”). Maybe I’ll save it for The Revolution.

It seems I’m not one to get caught up in sentimental pomp, much less the circumstance that goes with it—there’s a fine line between relevant tradition and masturbatory glad-handing. I’m not sure I want to believe that this is all there is; I actually prefer having a reason to live (for example: insatiable greed).

But I do believe that things don’t happen as a part of some larger, planned scheme. I think things happen (because that’s what things do), then other things happen. Graduation will happen, and next year will happen, and (maybe) the year after with a handful of annoying things scattered through it all.

I hope you don’t take my final words as my most important—I’ve given out plenty others this year that I think are much better (mainly those with some association to “snakes” and “planes”). I thank those who gave me the benefit of the doubt, curse those who never will, congratulate the seniors who are leaving, and envy those select few who’ve got “it” figured out, even if only through next week.

In closing, I’ve learned that the beaver is one of the most industrious creatures in the world, affecting not only other beavers, but the environments they choose to live and work. I expect that to make it into a Fred Moore speech someday. In all actuality, “beaver” is a useful euphemism. The more you know…


I've had this jingle bouncing around my head for the last few years, only being able to hum the melody and recite a few of the lines. But now I can look back on it whenever I need to remember what influenced me to get hooked on the meth in the first place.

12 May 2007

Specifically chosen facts about me

-I like to drunk message; I haven’t, however, drunk messaged you specifically lately because you’re ugly.

-When I drink, I get super motivated. Then I make things up while I type and probably get myself in trouble. This and the first point are related.

-I am, I think, Jim Halpert* from The Office. In a way I’m proud; in another I’m sad. (*First season Jim Halpert, not Jim “I have a hot girlfriend and crush fighting over me” Halpert from Season 3).

-I make coasters out of business cards. Also, miniature scultures.

-My coasters list the wrong address in the wrong state. Right company and spelling, however.

-Missoula, Montana is not susceptible to tornados. The clouds are scarier than all living shit, but no tornados.

03 May 2007

I feel similarlyish

The Show with Ze Frank, a year ago today.

I realize The Show was officially ended nearly two months ago, and that was officially its one-year anniversary. But I didn't find out about it until May of last year, at the tail end of a huge all-nighter to finish up some sort of paper or project or binge.

And after the first few weeks of catching up on the previous shows, I kept watching for most of the rest of The Show's run, though my internet connection sometimes made it tough. I still, though, go back to the 15 or so shows I watched that first blurry-eyed morning whenever I want to rediscover the mindset I had reached back then--depressed, lost, creatively spent, yet fucking optimistic. And desperately poor.

I don't really have many extreme or displayable emotions anymore, mostly because I'm tired from working more than I want to be, less poor than I probably should be and creatively spent most of the time. The first and last are related.

Oh, and today marks 10 months I've been doing the "work" thing. Another two and we'll see if it's time to reevaluate. Leave your lucrative job offers in the comments.