30 November 2007

flashback joke title insert funnyfunny

10/18/01, posted on geneology.com:


my names joe thiele, distant relative to cristoph thiele, who was born in niederhone, germany on jan 4 1840. he came to america in 1867, residing in bradford, illinios.in 1878 he moved with his wife, magdalena, to a farm southwest of dysart (i live in dysart as of now). dysart is on the border of benton county, which i noticed in another message. their children were john,will, and henry, also mrs. charles zobel. if anyone knows any links to other thieles around the country, feel free to email me


You would think that was me, writing to an unknown collection of Thiele's out there. In the wilderness. But the grammar! and the casual tone! I would have been 17 at the time this was posted--did I really research enough to know the children and ancestory and specific dates? Honestly, when I first stumbled upon this (very, freakishly close to October 18th of this year) I nearly had a nervous breakdown (does repeating "holy shit that's weird!" count?).

So hey

ima writin to see if someone out there knows about joe thiele, circa 2001. he wrote entries on random websites, and didn't punctuate properly.ifyou can hlp me, email, yo.


I've Reassumed.

I will not be taking any tests--of the written kind, at least--any time soon. I am not a suitable intellectual when money is an object. I barely remember how to spell my own name (der der I'm a salesman!). But I feel, at times more than others (Flowery...poop), I still can make words fit with other words to make a larger word picture that is nice to look at (if you can read the words). Words.

I have not taken a sip of alcohol in 25 days. It is a bit sad to say that I may not have taken that many days off in the months preceding, so it is a bit glad (wordcraftz) I am where I am. I still feel too tired in the morning--perhaps because I feel most ambitious at 1:19 AM. I still fail to write most ideas down. I still do not work hard enough at changing myself to change myself. I still fall into obvs. wordz. Obviously. I still watch sports (unrelated).

Quick tip--when you have two bottles of cranberry juice in your fridge (one unsweetened, one sweetened AND delicious), do not accidentally pour the former into a glass and take an enthusiastic drink (as if you were drinking the latter). It digests early.

If you searched for something on Google and need an answer for a research paper, you've been looking for the quote, "if a cluttered desk signs a cluttered mind, what then is an uncluttered desk a sign of?" And yes, it is Albert Einstein (the quotee, not the answer to the riddle...I was confused at first too).

If you check back every two months to make sure I'm not dead (literally, or creatively...AM I RIGHT ON THIS POINT?!? hahajokesssss), I have no promises for you. But this is an update. And I do not consider myself sober, because I can barely concentrate anyway.

The point of all of this, I guess, is I feel I've failed quite a bit since I had my Garden State moment (or since the time I didn't laugh at the notion of a "Garden State moment," around 2-1/2 years ago...ah, puberty). I have not done as much as I need to do to feel impressive to the people I want to be impressive to--especially to my closer friends and the (important?) college professors [I put off emailing back because I make so little progress]. I guess if I'm too content with my station I don't want to risk it. (the music to all of this features a prominent violin part)

But I am trying harder. I will continue to, at least through tomorrow. I have an eleven item list of projects I am currently working on. If you've read this far, keep going:
1. Fabric shapes--painting and sewing fabric swatches stretched and stabled onto makeshift canvas stretching frames.

2. Paint all the scraps left over from #1, and also learning how to paint on canvas.

3. Learn how to make a slipcover to dress up a black leather chair.

4. Learn how to make a new seat and back for new desk chair (to match the learned slipcover of #3.)

5. Figure out a use for a random thing bought at Pier One. (Descriptive and specific, no?)

6. Take more pictures, specifically of myself teaching others how to do things (through fake instruction manual form, etc).

7. Make really, really bad music with elaborate instrumentation and develop more lyrics--get a toy piano and a ukelele.

8. Instead of planting a tree, help the environment by recycling some useless item into something more useful.

9. Make a wall bend-out lamp.

10. Build a shelf for entertainment components. DONE!

11. Finish something, ten times in a row.

I made the list about a week ago, and have already made progress. I printed out these projects onto 3 separate sheets of paper and taped them to my wall, hoping that will help remind me. Tonight, I made another page to add to it, with bigger and bolder letters (the background music features more swelling drums and trumpets/trombones now).

One day.
One page.

So here are the rules: For December, I'll try to write at least one page of wordz per day. I might post them everyday here. Or I might not. I could even give up on the first day. That's completely up to me. So it really doesn't require a list of rules, but it was fun for a second (we've bonded!).

By Christmas I'll have a novel! (just kidding)
By New Year's I'll be reapplied! (probably not)
By January I'll be contributing again! (I'll allow it)

I'm considering this post today's page, by the way.

04 November 2007

Things you probably shouldn’t know about me: Montana Version

-I drink Heineken Light out of a plastic Jello cup while listening to Jens Lekman whenever I want to reminisce about the times I used to drink Heineken Light out of a bottle while listening to Jens Lekman.

-I build canvas stretcher frames to wrap fabric around so I have something to hang on my walls. I plan on painting these fabric blocks eventually with ironic/intelligent/maple-lieve phrases in foreign languages.

-If you pulled up next to me at a stoplight, even if you’re in a Porsche (or equally insane car), I’m likely to be the dick to race you in my Hyundai Sonata. When I lose (the race, or at life, whichever) I’ll be the dick to laugh at you for racing a Hyundai in some ridiculous car.

-When I made the first few fabric-wrapped frames for my apartment (above), I had a bit of fabric left over. And I thought I might be having company over later that night, so I tied it in an awkward half-knot around a lamp. I figured it would be a funny conversation-starter. Staring at it now, I do not see the humor so much as I see the tears.

-I also have fabric draped over speakers. It’s possible I’m a pretentious dick with bad ideas, trying to show off to no one but myself.

-This is apparently a diary of emotions.